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Dear Frantics:
I have just started a non-profit business with a partner. We have just become the Dress for Success affiliate in Boston. DFS dresses low-income women in interview appropriate clothing as they enter or reenter the work force. Clients are referred by social service agencies, GED programs domestic violence shelters, half way houses or literacy programs. We dress them in donated professional clothing and send them to the interview and then provide support services as they enter the world of employment. This meant writing a business plan, getting incorporated, filing with the attorney general as a charitable organization, raising money, looking for space to do business and negotiating my first commercial lease. I’m impressed with myself HOWEVER if that wasn’t enough for any woman to have a nervous collapse—the whole woman-mother-wife thing continues to go on full steam.
In the midst of this incredible stress for me, my daughter has a “what am I doing with my life crisis”, moves home and needs lots of attention from ”mommy”, my son gets engaged and I have the angst of “oh my god I am going to be a mother-in law”. My other daughter is turning thirty and is horrified that her brother is getting married before her—and every night like clockwork my husband arrives home asking WHAT’S FOR DINNER?
The point is—ordinary successful men can do the business thing and feel fulfilled and validated and respected and get lots of support from “the little woman” and that’s that. Women on the other hand are never off the hook. If you are just a wife it is never enough. The world sees you as a bon bon eating looser who doesn’t “work” but if you strive to be more you hear endlessly you are neglecting your most important role!
What we need ladies is to clone ourselves. We would all be less frazzled, more supported and far more organized if there was someone in the wings who could do all the tedious and maddening details of dealing with the people we care about. I like what I hear about cloning!
Nancy
Boston, Massachusetts
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